The Funeral

by hexacoto

(This is post is backdated, written on 25th July, 2016)

The Service

Knowing Josh was always a learning experience and over time, one learns something about themselves or about the world around them. Josh taught me that it was ok to let my guard down, that it was ok to enjoy myself, because he was so full of life. Many of you will remember him for his goofy smile and his silliness, or his infectious charm. And because Josh cherished life so much, I would like to take this opportunity to achieve something he had desired very much when he was alive. He had always wanted to be forthcoming to his friends and perhaps even acquaintances about his struggles with depression and PTSD.

Josh was dealt a tough hand in life and he had to endure terrible losses. He felt like he was very much alone with his experience in life and could scarcely find someone who could understand his experience. As a result, he could never communicate those feelings of loneliness. But over the course of the past year, Josh made friends with people whom he realised shared similar traumatic pasts as he did. He would probably like everyone to know that extending a patient hand to those undergoing depression and hard times, as he did, even amidst his struggles, makes a whole world of difference. Very often, it feels like they have forgotten what it was like to be happy or how to be happy again. It may be hard to understand what they’re going through, but nothing matters more than patience and a kind word. I very much wish I had given him more of my patience and many more kind words.

We had learned so much from each other. He admired my knack for brevity, I envied his ability with profusion. He called me a robot, but I had to be to hold him strong as he poured strong, emotional feelings about everything. I was his zen, his rock, his pillar of strength, but he never realised he was my muse, my vase from which inspiration grew. I knew not how to grieve around other people, but he was not other people. He taught me how to weep. We had codenames for each other: we were NPYs. We were zed-fus. We did not make sense to other people outside a world of ours. And now, this world of we has been reduced to one of me.

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