The Hexacoto

Image taken from New York Time’s A Viewer’s Guide to the N.Y.C Mayoral Candidates

The New York Time’s coverage of New York’s mayoral elections is surprisingly… sassy. They’ve summarised each candidate by categories such as by their boldest idea pitched or their biggest blunder so far. Take a look at the some of the cheek the Times has put into describing each candidate.

Boldest idea

Weiner: Single-payer, universal health care in New York City.
De Blasio: Universal prekindergarten, paid for by a tax on those earning more than $500,000.
Albanese: Variable toll prices on bridges, based on hour of the day and availability of mass transit.
Quinn: Building 80,000 new units of affordable housing.
Liu: Raising the minimum wage to $11.50 an hour.
Salgado: Creating a city-issued identification card for undocumented immigrants.
Thompson Jr.: Hiring 2,000 new police officers.
Lhota: Transferring control of bridges and tunnels from the M.T.A. to city government.
McDonald: Get the city to buy from local suppliers.
Catsimatidis: Bringing the World’s Fair back to New York.
Carrion Jr: Giving parents online access to student academic and disciplinary records.

Biggest blunder

Weiner: Where to begin?
De Blasio: Keeping a campaign staff member who sympathized with a killer of four people and cursed at the Police Department on Twitter.
Albanese: Hasn’t committed it yet, but we are watching.
Quinn: Opposing family-friendly paid sick-leave legislation until its backers outmaneuvered her. Can women forget that?
Liu: Incessantly reminding voters of the scandal surrounding his campaign.
Salgado: We’ll tell you once candidate forums start allowing him on stage.
Thompson Jr.: “No new tax” pledge may be impossible to keep. (See police officers, 2,000 new.)
Lhota: Calling Bloomberg an “idiot” in earshot of a reporter.
McDonald: Scaring off donors by breaking campaign finance rules.
Catsimatidis: Hmm. His plan to give bullies their own school?
Carrion Jr: Failure to persuade Republican leaders to let him on their ballot.

What you will find endearing

Weiner: The candor of a man with nothing left to lose.
De Blasio: His son’s epic Afro.
Albanese: Refuses to take donations from lobbyists or developers.
Quinn: Having a lesbian with that accent in Gracie Mansion.
Liu: His brothers are all named after a Kennedy.
Salgado: Ends conversations with “God bless you.”
Thompson Jr.: His earnest attempts at Yiddish.
Lhota: Tipsy posts on Twitter, like this one: “Oops! Yankees 10 (not 18), Sox 3 (too much wine).”
McDonald: The story of the Doe Fund, his nonprofit job-training organization.
Catsimatidis: His tendency to tear up at any moment, Boehner-style.
Carrion Jr: A fluency in Spanish now missing from City Hall.

What will grate on you

Weiner: Four months of penis puns in The New York Post.
De Blasio: Occasionally lapses into liberal-activist speak.
Albanese: Sometimes holier-than-thou claims of independence.
Quinn: That wall-piercing laugh. Just wait for it.
Liu: Populism that can border on pandering.
Salgado: Depending on perspective, the intermingling of faith and politics.
Thompson Jr.: Does he ask a lot of rhetorical questions? Yes, he does.
Lhota: Mr. Giuliani’s return to the campaign trail.
McDonald: The candor of a first-time candidate. Asked about Asian businesses, he praised his local masseur for cheap relaxation.
Catsimatidis: Mangled syntax.
Carrion Jr: Dull debate performances.

Relationship with Bloomberg

Weiner: Antagonistic.
De Blasio: Chilly.
Albanese: Nonexistent.
Quinn: It’s complicated.
Liu: Outright hostile.
Salgado: Once stood next to him for a photograph.
Thompson Jr.: As variable as the weather.
Lhota: Technocratic kinship.
McDonald: Philanthropic. The mayor donates to his charity.
Catsimatidis: Billionaire neighbors.
Carrion Jr.: Cordial.

Nightmare scenario

Weiner: TMZ tracks down that sixth woman.
De Blasio: Anthony D. Weiner enters the race.
Albanese: Finishing last.
Quinn: Becoming another Bella Abzug, who was the race’s undisputed star in 1977 but squandered her commanding lead.
Liu: Taking the stand in the trial of his former campaign treasurer.
Salgado: Mr. Sharpton leaves MSNBC and runs for mayor (again).
Thompson Jr.: Black voters defect to another liberal, like Bill de Blasio, whose wife is black.
Lhota: New Yorkers fall in love with John Catsimatidis.
McDonald: Will be forced to give back thousands in campaign contributions.
Catsimatidis: Major food poisoning outbreak is traced back to Gristedes.
Carrion Jr.: Latino Democrats somehow hear about Mr. Salgado.

Bottom line

Weiner: Mayoral campaigning as group therapy.
De Blasio: With the right campaign, he can squeak into the runoff.
Albanese: His best shot was probably in 1997.
Quinn: She is the front-runner. Until she isn’t.
Liu: Long hours on the trail will only take him so far.
Salgado: Pray for him.
Thompson Jr.: Expect a late surge to put him in the runoff. (His rivals do.)
Lhota: Long-shot Republicans have a knack for becoming mayor in this city.
McDonald: If lightning strikes.
Catsimatidis: It will, at the very least, be entertaining.
Carrion Jr.: He is a Republican nominee’s dream — unlikely to win, but certain to lure away Democratic voters.