The Hexacoto

Photo from Nigerian news site This Day

A University of Lagos post graduate student, Chibuihem Amalaha, from Imo State has used science to prove that gay marriage is improper among other breakthroughs.

A post-graduate student from the University of Lagos has proved without a doubt that gay marriage is wrong. According to him, “In the area of physics, I used physics with experiments, I used chemistry with experiments, I used biology with experiments and I used mathematics to prove gay marriage wrong.”

I have taken the liberty of summing up his scientific experiments showing that gay marriage is wrong.

• A bar magnet has two opposite poles: North and South. If you put two North or two South poles of the magnets together, they will not attract but repel instead. Men and women are opposites, therefore “a man will attract a woman because of the way nature has made a female.” Ergo, gay marriage is wrong.
• “if you use your biro and rub it on your hair, after rubbing, try to  bring small pieces of paper they will attract because one is charged while the other one is not charged. But if both of them are charged they don’t attract, which means that man cannot attract another man because they are the same, and a woman should not attract a woman because they are the same. ” Ergo, gay marriage is wrong.
• In chemistry, there are “acids” and “bases (alkali)” which are opposites. Pouring an acid over a base results in a chemical reaction — you get salt and water. Pouring an acid over an acid or alkali over alkali results in no reaction, just as “a man on top of a man will have no reaction.” Ergo, gay marriage is wrong.
• Electrolysis proves that people of the same sex cannot be attracted to each other. Amalaha found out that “negative ions will be attracted to the positive ones while the positive ions will be attracted to the negative ones” and concluded that “a man cannot be attracted to a man as negative ion is not attracted to the negative electrode instead negative ion is attracted to the positive electrode.” Ergo, gay marriage is wrong.
• A cock copulates with a hen, a lion copulates with a lioness. Animals of the same gender do not copulate. Sperms fertilise eggs. If “even lower creature understand so much, how come  human being made in the higher image of God that is even of higher creature will be thinking of  a man having sex with another and woman having sex with another woman?” Ergo, gay marriage is wrong.
• Mathematical commutativity and idempotency proves gay marriage wrong. If 2+3=5 and 3+2=5, then A+B and B+A will result in a “change.” If men are “A” and women are “B,” then a man and a woman will result in a reaction and change (commutative). However, if you have 2 “A’s” or 2 “B’s” together, you get the same result: A+A=(2)A, B+B=(2)B, and no change has occurred. Ergo, gay marriage is wrong.

One can only imagine the countless hours he spent, sitting in a lab, trying to get magnets to attract and repel each other, rubbing biros on his head trying to attract paper, and observing chickens fornicate.

Amalaha concludes, “So these are the principles I have used to prove gay marriage wrong in physics, chemistry, biology, mathematics and by the grace of God I am the only one that has proved this in the whole world.”

Amalaha’s other achievements also include that mathematical number Pi is not 22 over 7, and proving “that watching television in the dark impacts negatively on one’s eyes and by God’s grace, I was the first person to use scientific instruments to prove it in the whole world.”